The “Two Week Wait…”

Collectively the worst experience for any women dealing with infertility. 

Last transfer I was hopeful. This time I feel… Discouraged. This whole protocol I’ve felt down. Just sad, and it makes me angry and confused.

If this one doesn’t take we’ve resolved to stop, and do another round of IVF to get more eggs before doing another FET. That’s frightening in an of itself. We have to put everything back on hold and start back over again. I know there are so many women who have done this… And I feel your sadness as if it were my own, even though it’s not my reality yet.

I guess it’s all just fear. I am afraid of a negative result. Or another chemical loss.

It means I also walk around obsessing over every symptom.

I’ve had a significant amount of cramping. Not full blown period cramping… But annoying discomfort. Also I feel STIFF inside. I also seem to have excessive moisture… Not full blow discharge though. I’m also waking up covered in sweat… But that’s sorta been happening since I started the progesterone. My breasts are mildly sore. When I was pregnant before my breasts were sore too. My full MC my breast swelled up like balloons almost instantly.

But this isn’t hope in my heart. It’s heartbreak. Fearful of a loss. We only have 2 embryos. There is only one left in the freezer. 

I’ve done everything I can do you little one. I’ve scraped up my insides. I’ve prepped you. I’ve liberated you from my ovaries. I’ve fertilized you. I’ve tested and froze you. I’ve prepped my body for you. I’ve defrosted you and put you back in. It’s your job now. It’s up to you.